By Jeff Brown
www.boredfactoryworker.com
“When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels.” – Author Unknown
“When it snows, you have two choices: go to the bathroom or blow your nose.” – Jeff Brown
There’s no Business like Snow Business
As I write this column, it’s snowing outside. I’m preparing for another day working with my dad as a Snow Removal Technician. (Official Motto: “Have shovels; will scoop until we’re pooped.”) It’s not a bad way to earn some extra cash, but I hope it goes a little easier today than it did yesterday.
3:30 AM Accidently knocked alarm clock off the shelf.
3:31 Intentionally knocked the shelf off the wall when I couldn’t get the alarm to stop. Stupid clock.
3:33 Put my slippers on and hobbled over to the window. Yep, it snowed.
3:34 Brewed some coffee.
3:38 Got dressed and brushed my teeth.
3:44 Drank some coffee.
4:00 The weather channel said it might snow again this afternoon. Drank some more coffee.
4:05 Put on my insulated cover-alls and boots.
4:07 Downed another cup of joe.
4:12 Went outside and promptly fell on the ice. Stupid ice.
4:15 Brushed snow off my wife’s car.
4:25 Headed for the house and fell on the same spot. Went inside, took off boots, made a beeline for the bathroom.
4:29 Put boots back on, went back outside, almost fell down again. Grabbed bag of salt and threw a few handfulls on the slippery spot.
4:35 Commenced shoveling the driveway.
4:55 Dad drove by in his truck to pick me up. I threw my shovel in the back and asked him to wait a minute.
4:56 Headed back to house, took off boots, made another beeline for the bathroom.
4:59 Exited bathroom, put boots back on, took boots back off. Headed for bathroom again and blew nose. Yanked bunch of Kleenex out of the box and stuffed them into my cover-all’s pocket.
5:03 Dad honked his horn. I raced back to the door, put my boots back on, and ran out of the house. Slipped on another icy spot. Grabbed salt bag and threw the whole thing (plastic and all) on the ice.
5:04 Got into truck and Dad drove us across town to his house.
5:15 We hooked the trailer up to his truck, drove his tractor (with snowblade attachment) onto the trailer, loaded his walk-behind snowblower, and off we went.
5:23 Arrived at first job site. Unloaded snowblower and tractor. Commenced clean-up.
5:55 Finished job, loaded trailor, blew my nose, drove to the next job.
6:00 Unloaded trailor. Commenced clean-up.
6:38 Finished job, loaded trailor, blew my nose, drove to the next job.
6:45 Unloaded trailor. Commenced clean-up.
7:05 Loaded trailor, blew my nose, and drove to the gas station.
7:09 Used the bathroom and emptied used Kleenex pocket into trash-can (yuck), washed hands, bought and consumed donut and bottle of Gatoraide. Drove to the next job site.
7:20 Unloaded trailor. Commenced clean-up.
7:40 Finished job, loaded trailor, blew my nose, drove to next job.
7:44 Unloaded trailor. Commenced clean-up.
8:11 Finished job, loaded trailor, blew my nose.
At this point we were finished with the commercial properties that had to be cleaned before 9:00 AM. Dad dropped me off at my house for a coffee (and bathroom) break before we headed out to the residentials.
9:00AM to 3:30 PM Dad picked me up and we drove to the first job site. We unloaded the trailer, shoveled, loaded the trailer, drove to the next job, unloaded the trailer, shoveled, loaded the trailer and I blew my nose. Then, for a change of pace, we shoveled a couple properties by hand without unloading the trailor and then we stopped at the gas station to go to the bathroom (and I unloaded my icky pocket again). We drove to the next job, unloaded the trailor, cleaned, loaded the trailor, drove, unloaded the trailor, cleaned, loaded the trailor and I blew my nose as we drove to the next job.
To finish off the day, we loaded and unloaded the trailor four more times. When we were finally done, Dad dropped me off at my house. I staggered in, removed my boots, and plopped on the chair. It felt so good to relax. I fell right to sleep and the next thing I knew was my wife getting home from work. I yawned and asked her how her day went.
“Fine,” she said, as she took off her coat. “Do you know it’s snowing outside?”